10.27.2009
A Song Flung Up to Heaven...I still got time...
Well in my excitement about Man's Search for Meaning I didn't tell everyone about my feelings on A Song Flung Up to Heaven by Maya Angelou. I have read this book before and reach for it every now and again. This time it struck me that Maya was my age when she was going from one coast to another trying to decide what exactly she was going to do and where her strength lie. She did not start her autobiography until she was 37 or 38, I still got time. I also rediscovered a treasure trove of quotes by her mother that will make their way onto this blog.
In all of my experiences in life I tend to forget that I am yet young relatively speaking and I just got started early :). So if you are still waking up every day and putting one foot in front of the other you also still have time to honor your dream.
Living Out Loud,
J
In all of my experiences in life I tend to forget that I am yet young relatively speaking and I just got started early :). So if you are still waking up every day and putting one foot in front of the other you also still have time to honor your dream.
Living Out Loud,
J
10.26.2009
Man's Search for Meaning...Wow...
So I have finished two books since last week "A Song Flung up to Heaven" by Maya Angelou and "Man's Search For Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl. Man's Search for Meaning is now in my top 5 books of all time. It has reinforced some beliefs I have had all along and opened my mind to new ones. I have never been one to search for the cookie cutter tell me exactly what is the purpose of life type of question rather I have taken from each experience a new lesson revealed about my self and thought this would take me to a higher plane of existence. What really touched me is being exposed to the holocaust stories reflecting each of the theories presented. Most especially when one decides to give up thus ensuring what has been their fear all along, I am not cut from this cloth. I understand why a little better now having basically experienced my own personal slavery/holocaust for the better part of 18 years I had to believe in something Greater to not only survive but thrive. Since I did not know Love as a child I had to believe that there was an Omnipotent Love that existed in which I was being protected. I also understand that when I made the statement "Everything in my life is worth it's weight in Gold even my thoughts and words." I meant that with every fiber of my being because without that belief and guide my life would be a polar opposite of what it is today.
I AM
J
I AM
J
Visual and Written Inspiration 10/26/2009
Shining on my flight to Freedom
When the light is
Til the Break of Dawn
photos by j
Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich starker.
That which does not kill me, makes me stronger.
Nietzsche
10.25.2009
Missing Lauryn Hill 2009...
So I have mentioned previously that two of the best concerts I have ever experienced in my lifetime were Erykah Badu and Public Enemy. Now you all know that had to be a third, this is 3 Piece you know. Lauryn Hill brought me through with her classic album and twisted my afro with her performance at Lakewood Ampitheatre during her tour. I have always thought she is one of the most beautiful women (reminds me of a younger Gladys Knight actually) and she had it. But sometimes the problem with having IT is you take IT for granted. Now I have used Ms. Hill as a teaching tool for my daughter just from what I have noticed on the outside looking in. As I suddenly had an epiphany today regarding my own love life I sat listening to the MisEducation cd and started to read some Rolling Stone articles about Ms. Hill. As a young 20 something woman involved in a pissing contest with a much older man you always lose. However when the outside world observes your love through your chosen medium of music then takes hold of you you lose another part of you then you add in another man (same animal just in different clothing) along with 3 children back to back, all taking pieces of you. What part of you is left? So you wake up looking at thirty thinking what happened so you seek Spiritual Guidance but a wolf shows up instead. She could spend the next 20 years just trying to get back to what she knew. I know I too have been there but the rest of the world has not born witness to my love being laid bare. So I miss Lauryn Hill but more than anything I just want her to find her authentic voice and stay true even if she never makes another cd. Shoot Frankie Beverly and Maze have been touring off their last cd for 30 years I don't see what the problem is. But back to IT sometimes the problem with possessing IT so early on in life is that you don't have a clue that you have IT until you lose IT. I also think that what is IT to everyone else is meaningless to the person who possesses IT without self-love.
Self-Love is absolutely essential for everyone in this world. Without that crucial factor you have no clue what you are worth so you give yourself to the trash man for a smile and a head nod. Within the past 3 years I have learned to look at myself in the mirror and love my wrinkles next to my eyes and laugh lines around my mouth. I am going gray now and you know what I love those too. So this week I will be posting a lot of Lauryn Hill videos because I see some of me in Lauryn I too have dropped my basket with my apples in it, and when I picked my basket back up and started to count my apples I suddenly realized OH I gave some of those to ?, then some to Child Genius, and Boy Wonder oh yeah don't forget about ? and ?. So now I will bear more fruit to give again but only to those who truly reflect my higher self.
j
Self-Love is absolutely essential for everyone in this world. Without that crucial factor you have no clue what you are worth so you give yourself to the trash man for a smile and a head nod. Within the past 3 years I have learned to look at myself in the mirror and love my wrinkles next to my eyes and laugh lines around my mouth. I am going gray now and you know what I love those too. So this week I will be posting a lot of Lauryn Hill videos because I see some of me in Lauryn I too have dropped my basket with my apples in it, and when I picked my basket back up and started to count my apples I suddenly realized OH I gave some of those to ?, then some to Child Genius, and Boy Wonder oh yeah don't forget about ? and ?. So now I will bear more fruit to give again but only to those who truly reflect my higher self.
j
Visual and Written Inspiration 10/25/2009
photo source unknown
"The great things in life are what they seem to be. And for that reason, strange as it may sound to you, often are very difficult to interpret (understand). Great passion are for the great of souls. Great events can only be seen by people who are on a level with them. We think we can have our visions for nothing. We cannot. Even the finest and most self-sacrificing visions have to paid for. Strangely enough, that is what makes them fine. "
Oscar Wilde
10.19.2009
Fly.Free.2009...
This week is starting off colder than a polar bear's toe nails. I am working on some beeswax molds the first ones didn't turn out too great but I keep on keeping on. I am also scouting interesting containers to pour candles into for the holidays as well as placing some material orders. There is an oil I have wanted to purchase for over two years but the price $243.00 for 1/3 ounce keeps me at bay so I am going to start saving so I can purchase it next month for a new scent to introduce during my birthday month.
I also finished Uncle Tom's Cabin last week and it has taken me a few days to process and wrestle with my thoughts on it. Since it was my first time reading it ever I had to wrangle with the imagery I instantly create when I read. I actually had several dreams featuring Cassey and Eliza for some reason. It actually reminded me vividly of when I was pregnant with Boy Wonder. During the time I was pregnant to take my mind off my circumstances (High Risk pregnancy, out of work, one child already, no family) I decided to read about my ancestors history in America starting from the beginning of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. By the 9th month of my pregnancy I was so full of fire about the whole matter I was convinced I was Harriet Tubman reincarnated and would become Moses all over again. I now think my spirit has traveled these roads before and encountered quite a few historical figures because their stories resonate so profoundly within me. It is almost like I know the story not from hearing it but from experience. I also would very much like this to be my last walk in this plane of existence, I am ready for what is next because it has to be higher, right? Anywho I started rambling back to Uncle Tom's Cabin, I liked the overall story found it very Christian but look at the Author. I also found the imagery a bit sad that Eliza and the lighter slaves are able to make it to freedom but Tom has to suffer so horribly so he can make it to Heaven. Couldn't Tom have been given his freedom too? I also understood the imagery of his belief being so unshakeable that he was almost able to transcend the actual moment but still.
This week I am reading A Song Flung Up to Heaven by Maya Angelou. I wish I had a little lighter reading for next week just to cleanse my palate. If anyone has any suggestions let me know in the comment box.
So I have posted this week's playlist which contains some of my go to favorites to lift me when I am down. The quote below reminds me of what I tell my children and mixed with the abandoned Mama's Place which represents my childhood.
Enjoy,
j
I also finished Uncle Tom's Cabin last week and it has taken me a few days to process and wrestle with my thoughts on it. Since it was my first time reading it ever I had to wrangle with the imagery I instantly create when I read. I actually had several dreams featuring Cassey and Eliza for some reason. It actually reminded me vividly of when I was pregnant with Boy Wonder. During the time I was pregnant to take my mind off my circumstances (High Risk pregnancy, out of work, one child already, no family) I decided to read about my ancestors history in America starting from the beginning of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. By the 9th month of my pregnancy I was so full of fire about the whole matter I was convinced I was Harriet Tubman reincarnated and would become Moses all over again. I now think my spirit has traveled these roads before and encountered quite a few historical figures because their stories resonate so profoundly within me. It is almost like I know the story not from hearing it but from experience. I also would very much like this to be my last walk in this plane of existence, I am ready for what is next because it has to be higher, right? Anywho I started rambling back to Uncle Tom's Cabin, I liked the overall story found it very Christian but look at the Author. I also found the imagery a bit sad that Eliza and the lighter slaves are able to make it to freedom but Tom has to suffer so horribly so he can make it to Heaven. Couldn't Tom have been given his freedom too? I also understood the imagery of his belief being so unshakeable that he was almost able to transcend the actual moment but still.
This week I am reading A Song Flung Up to Heaven by Maya Angelou. I wish I had a little lighter reading for next week just to cleanse my palate. If anyone has any suggestions let me know in the comment box.
So I have posted this week's playlist which contains some of my go to favorites to lift me when I am down. The quote below reminds me of what I tell my children and mixed with the abandoned Mama's Place which represents my childhood.
Enjoy,
j
Visual and Written Inspiration 10/19/2009
image by j
When I was a child, my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk you'll end up as the pope.' Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.
-- Pablo Picasso
10.16.2009
I shall be a Mule no more...
You know I had a dozen videos I wanted to post from various people I listen to but this one quote kept repeating in my head: "The Black Woman is the Mule of the world. by Zora Neale Hurston" I remember having an argument about this quote years ago with a former acquantice of mine who stated that as a Black Woman I accepted my load more readily instead of understanding my true role, I wasn't ready for his wisdom then. I have spent a month pushing my self out of my self imposed comfortable box, I have started working out 6 days a week at home with taebo, pilates, yoga and kickbox cross training, I have reignited my passion for reading and am finishing up Uncle Tom's Cabin today, I am learning to play chess, and I also have worked on identifying my pattern of sacrificing my talents for everyone else's gain. I am worthy of and deserve Excellence. I have taught my children this since their births but I do not treat myself as if I DESERVE it. I have found that when you exist in a world where you are the strongest there is a tendency to dumb yourself down so you can relate to those around you however that is a coward's way. I have found more varied and healthier relationships online than I have ever experienced with women most especially. In these relationships I am learning to love me more to understand that I am worthy of that familial love.
So today I resolve that I shall be a Mule no more.
j
So today I resolve that I shall be a Mule no more.
j
10.15.2009
A Love Affair has ended...
Sad today. Knew it was coming. Will grieve, pour out a little liquor and Keep it moving.
Be back tomorrow.
j
Be back tomorrow.
j
10.14.2009
Whatever you think,speak and do....Becomes
I am a firm believer in speaking things into existence. I have seen this repeatedly throughout my life I am bearing a living witness currently in my physical well-being. However I also know you cannot speak empty words the words must be worth their weight in gold. Recently I had an argument with my current lover about this very thing he made a statement that sent me into the stratosphere "J, these words we are speaking are only worth a grain of salt." My response: "Actually everything in my life is worth it's weight in gold including my thoughts and words." I use to have a saying I would introduce myself to potential lovers like this "Hi I am Jacquelyn and I swim in the Deep End of the Ocean." So to detract any toe dippers I go on to explain in detail who I am and what my priorities are. I have also asked these 3 questions of my last two lovers:
1) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
2) Are you a good father?
3) What do you love about yourself?
I have found that just as women struggle with the last question so do men. It throws them off balance because many of them don't really know what they love about themselves. I have come to learn and practice in life that there are moments that are clarifying if you are in them. If your words are only worth a grain of salt then why speak? I am for living life completely and fully inhabiting each and every moment. So Peanut Gallery what do you LOVE about yourself? My answers are below:
1) My Spirit
2) My Smile
3) My Breasts
4) My Style
5) My Legs
j
1) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
2) Are you a good father?
3) What do you love about yourself?
I have found that just as women struggle with the last question so do men. It throws them off balance because many of them don't really know what they love about themselves. I have come to learn and practice in life that there are moments that are clarifying if you are in them. If your words are only worth a grain of salt then why speak? I am for living life completely and fully inhabiting each and every moment. So Peanut Gallery what do you LOVE about yourself? My answers are below:
1) My Spirit
2) My Smile
3) My Breasts
4) My Style
5) My Legs
j
10.13.2009
The Secret Life of a Queen Bee....
So the quote below inspired my tattoo which I had done almost 5 years ago now. The picture also looks almost identically like it except I don't have any color. It is a very big tattoo where the average can't see it and it already hurt enough. When I had it done I was going through a very painful breakup and I didn't want to go back AGAIN. Whenever I am down and look at the separate parts of my life it sometimes becomes overwhelming until I think of this quote and simply state but "I Fly Anyway". You see what I have personally discovered about people who tell you what you cannot do is really their fear projecting on you, quite simply "I Fly Anyway". If we really think about it if noone ever told you what you couldn't do what would you do? When I left home for the Air Force my entire family laughed and stated you will be back in two weeks. I really wanted to quit after two weeks too except they laughed at me and I wanted to show them I could do it. When I found out I was pregnant with my son and the Dr.'s stated it would kill me to have him one of my Aunt's scheduled three different appointments for me to get an abortion. I refused. I refused to believe that the Universe would finally bless me with my son (I knew time I got pregnant it was a boy) to give up that easily. It was her fear projecting on me over time she has confessed that she would not have been able to do it. When I had my son and was now a walking statistic, single mother of two children by two different men my family laughed and talked behind my back "She's stupid there is no way she is going to make it." I cannot pretend the walk has been easy because it hasn't but what it has been at every turn is RICH. You see I have three different vision boards one for me personally, one for my family and one for my business. On each and every one of them I have written the word WEALTHY but my definition of Wealth is not necessarily what constitutes Wealth to anyone else. As I look over my life I have WEALTH unimaginable by many, I have a wealth of knowledge, strength, love,persistence,and determination. I am one of those people who believes as a core tenant of her existence that "If you can conceive it then you can achieve it" but nobody said it was going to be a cake walk.
j
j
Visual and Written Inspiration 10/13/2009
photo source unknown
"Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyway."
Mary Kay Ash
10.12.2009
Alright I'm Back...
I know I suddenly disappeared on everyone but I needed to take a hiatus to work on my spiritual,physical and emotional well-being. I have been reading a lot: The Autobiography of Malcolm X (reread), Uncle Tom's Cabin (1st time), The Secret Life of Bees (reread) and The Art of War (1st time). I have also been bringing Pilate's and Yoga into my life in the mornings which make my days much better as well as Yoga in the evening as well. I have been working with Child Genius on the big lead up to her retaking the SAT on October 10Th and running like crazy taking Boy Wonder back and forth to Fall baseball games and practices. In the middle of all of the that I somehow managed to pick up a new wholesale account at Savi Urban Market in Inman Park.
So I'm back and posted a play list that incorporates a lot of my favorite militant songs. To this day two of the best concerts I have ever seen were Public Enemy when I was 13 and Erykah Badu two years ago absolutely fabulous. I am sorry for the non communication however I will make up for it with new pics and some more exciting news upcoming.
Enjoy,
j
So I'm back and posted a play list that incorporates a lot of my favorite militant songs. To this day two of the best concerts I have ever seen were Public Enemy when I was 13 and Erykah Badu two years ago absolutely fabulous. I am sorry for the non communication however I will make up for it with new pics and some more exciting news upcoming.
Enjoy,
j
Visual and Written Inspiration October 12th 2009
photo by J
Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage.
Niccolo Machiavelli
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